Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
