at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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