nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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