Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this hospital has no fireball
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
