Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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