I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
