There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
