i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
