sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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