im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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