So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
