He uses pillows to masturbate.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
