Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize