my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
