I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
