She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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