forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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