Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
