I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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