do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
