OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
