We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
