he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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