I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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