people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
