Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
