hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize