So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
