I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
