C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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