Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
