so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
