So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
