dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
