I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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