yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My feet surprised me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
