so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
