it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
