Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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