**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize