This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
