ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
