I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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