I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
