Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
