You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
