My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently you make a good broom.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
