her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
