There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
