all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
love makes seman taste better
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize