hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this hospital has no fireball
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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