So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
