i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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