i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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