6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
