He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
