you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize