I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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