There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
