"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
