plz talk dirty to me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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