i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
