the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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