well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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