Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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