maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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