thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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