Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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