Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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