Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
where am i from again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
