so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
