I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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