im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
