Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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