oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
