is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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