During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
