i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
