Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
