My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just high enough for therapy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
