dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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