if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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