they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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