I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize