Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.

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(516): View more from New York

Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me

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(702): View more from Nevada

Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?

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(303): View more from Colorado

do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.

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(469): View more from Texas

Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.

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(207): View more from Maine

Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.

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