ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
