and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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