yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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