Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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