bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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