New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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