I think i peed on brittanys purse
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize