I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
