Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
