I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
