please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
