just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize