There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
