But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
