Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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