i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
