her vagine was all disorganized.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
